creepy

creepy = sexy
and im not talking about the whole greasy-sweaty-comb-over-pants-don't-fit-shirt-can't-do-up-
watching-you-from-my-van kinda of creepy.
alice cooper creepy
stuart staples' voice creepy
looking for someone in the dark creepy
there's this excitement that rises in me and maybe part of it is because its just not always seen by People(tm) as being sexy... i dunno... but the creepiness of it all is erotic... maybe its erotic more than sexy at times... like creepy feelings inside old abandonded buildings or certain parts of forests the way the trees gnarl and snare. that's sexy. that's erotic.

i did another one... someone shoot me...

Freudian Inventory Results

Oral (30%) you appear to be stubbornly and irrationally against receiving help even when it might be the more intelligent option. Anal (56%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity. Phallic (70%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity. Latency (60%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (80%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

a giggle

so, sometimes i go into web-based chat rooms. yah, i know. wtf! usually im on irc. but i went to this web-based chat room for christians (don't ask) and this guy pointed me to a website for a band that i can't even remember the name. the whole thing was absolutely superior in irony and it just made me giggle uncontrollably... it was... are you ready?

Christian Death Metal.

(not saying any more)

optomism - its for the blerghs!

i've never been an optimistic person. i have always been a realist. that doesn't say though, that i can't be quite a relaxed and laid-back person. being a "pessimist", as i would be labeled doesn't mean getting all gothy, slitting my wrists and writing uber bad poetry. yes, in that order. trust me when i say the world has seen ENOUGH bad poetry to last through the ages. i can write a horrific line just like the next emo-kid, but let's be real. does ANYONE really care? i don't think so. (ha, there's my anti-optomistic side coming out) around people that i consider good good friends, i let down my guard slowly and allow them in to see part of the real me; who the me is that's under all of this hyper activity, noise and aggressiveness. i can be kind, i can be caring, i can be compassionate, i can be empathic, i can be patient, i can be... dun dun dunnnnn... optomisitc. it is quite calculated though. if you look further down at all the 'personality' tests that i have taken, and just bluddy well knowing myself, you can see that i am a very rational and logical person. i function primarily in my left brain @ 55% while i am only in my right mind 45% of the time. (that can explain SO MUCH!!! ha!)

at any rate, let's cut to the chase. no more missy nice-pants. optomistic people fucking annoy the ever-living shit outta me. par example... in every cloud, there's a silver lining. hmmm, let's look at this shall we? now, i can't be certain that EVERY cloud has a silver lining can i? one. that's a lot of silver. two. if i were able to see the silver lining in every cloud that would also mean that i was plummeting @ about a ba-billion km/h to my death. im not certain silver-lined clouds are quite worth the fat girl getting splatted. a classic cliche... a euphamistic phrase... a basic load of crap... translation: "dude, that's some shit you got goin' on there, better you than me". which is what we're really thinking isn't it? let's not baste the rat and call it a turkey, mmmkay?

my friend melissa said to me the other day after i made some cynical remark about something totally inconsequential. "you are my favourite person!!! you just have no problem saying what everyone else is only thinking, i love that about you". the other day she relayed a story to me about the time i told her a friend of mine purchased some leather pants. i said "why would _i_ buy leather pants? imma fat girl! i mean... that's like skinning the cow and then stuffing it again!"... optomistically, i guess im a funny realist. *snork*... its better than being a bluddy optomistic git!

Jungian Personality Test

INTP - The Architect

You scored 45% I to E, 42% N to S, 85% F to T, and 73% J to P!

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more thinking based than feeling based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than have a routine. The single word to describe your type is the Architect, which belongs to the larger group of rationals. You wish to sculpt the world around you. Others often find you arrogant, yet you have no desire to direct others, only to inform them. You must know the structure of things, and have a voracious appetite for knowledge. You are very rational in everything you do, and probably consider yourself smarter than most.

As a romantic partner, you can be playful with great energy to get things started, but not quite as good on follow through. You may have a tendency to hurt the more emotional types unintentionally by not sharing your own reactions and feelings as you can get swept up in your own ideas and projects. You want to be appreciated for your ability to respond quickly and to fix problems creatively. You need plenty of time to yourself - therefore your parnter must respect your need for independence and originality.

Your group summary: Rationals (NT)

Your type summary: INTP

Link to Jungian Personality Test

Personality Defect Quiz

The Smartass

You are 71% Rational, 71% Extroverted, 71% Brutal, and 85% Arrogant.

You are the Smartass! You are rational, extroverted, brutal, and arrogant. You probably consider people who are emotional and gentle to be big pussies who are obviously in lesser stature than you. You have many flaws, despite your seeming intelligence and cool-headedness. For instance, you aren't very nice. In fact, you're probably an asshole. And you are conceited and self-centered. Not only that, but you are very loud and vocal about all this, seeing as how you are extroverted. There is no better way to describe you than as a "smartass", I'm afraid. Perhaps just "ass" would do, too. But that's a little less literary and descriptive. At any rate, your main personality defect is the fact that you are self-centered, mean, uncaring, and brutally logical.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more RATIONAL than intuitive.

2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.

3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.

4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Emo Kid.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Capitalist Pig, the Braggart, and the Sociopath.

Link to OKCupid Personality Defect Quiz

Enneagram Test Results

Main Type	Overall Self

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||| 64% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||| 41% Type 3 Image Focus |||||| 26% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||| 39% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 69% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||||| 59% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 80% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 62% Your main type is 8 Your variant is sexual

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Dante's Inferno - Which Level of Hell Are You??

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Extreme
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Extreme
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Extreme
Level 7 (Violent)	Extreme
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Extreme

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

KINKY (tm)

on the subject of KINKY i have but one thing to say...

"its only kinky the first time you do it..."

Do ya feel lucky, punk? Well... do ya?

I'm not a superstitious person in the sense that if a black cat happens to cross my path, I don’t turn around 3 times and spit into the wind or anything of the like. I don't believe that walking under a ladder is bad luck, just very dangerous. I don’t think that if you spill the salt that you should toss it over your left shoulder to hit the devil in the eye; I honestly don’t think that sodium chloride would have much effect on the Prince of Darkness. If you receive a chain letter and don’t send it out to 648 people in twelve point three four nine seconds you will not be eaten by some odd band of Tasmanian beetles or get sucked off into the cosmos by some space octopus; but you are probably in the 90th percentile of intelligence amongst human beings. I mean, what are these people REALLY thinking? Wishing death or dismemberment upon their friends by sending them ridiculous electronic hexes and curses. Nice.

What kind of superstitious am I? I'm one of those people that simply thinks that things have the power that we give them. If you think that your pet bunny's foot will bring you luck, you should just chop it off and carry the bluddy mass around with you! Joking, of course. I think people place value, perhaps a better word would be sentiment, on things they might feel a spiritual connection. Things like stones from Stonehenge; eagle feathers from a ceremony; sage grass; St. Christophers; toenail clippings, etc. Let's face it, People™ are Strange™. I tend to think that despite my ability to win things, like prizes or bubonic plague, I am quite fortunate -lucky- in other areas in my life. I am more superstitious in the idea that I make my own "luck" and befall my own "fate" by the things that I do, not by the items I carry. This isn't to say that some items are just more comfortable to people. But I believe that I am my own talisman talisgirl.

"hi, my name is simon and i like to do draw-rings"

i've picked up my pencils again. my charcoal and my staedtler pencils and have been drawing and sketching a bit in the evenings. i can't say how wonderful it feels to create again. from a blank sheet in my sketch pad to something that had form and depth. admittedly, im not that great at it and wish i could just be so much better. i have to keep up the passion for it and i know that when i familiarize myself with my tools that the works that come out of them are just better. but there is a feeling of accomplishment when i can see something that i've done... anyway, its quite nice to be able to sit with my thoughts and make them into images... i highly recommend it :)

the many faces of me (a la southpark)

usual me...



















sassy me...




















fetish me...




















unbalanced me...





















(images made courtesy of www.southparkstudios.com)

Evul Metul ©

a·sun·der
adv.

1. Into separate parts or pieces: broken asunder.
2. Apart from each other either in position or in direction: The curtains had been drawn asunder.

(courtesy of www.dictionary.com)

so, i've been listening to a lot lot lot of Evul Metul © in the last year and i've noticed a trend that has me a bit... curious.
i have noticed the use of the above word in a lot of the metal genre whether it be black metal, death metal, power metal... whatever. why is that? is it such a powerful word that it can only be accompanied by powerful vocals or powerful guitars or powerful drums? was it that metal was just too evil to use more simple words like 'torn', 'apart', 'rip'... then that thought took me down a different path...
hmmm, simple eh?
lyrically, metal music is bluddy brilliant. on a scale of 1-10 i'd give it an 11 ("but this goes up to eleven" - sorry, Spinal Tap moment). not only is it written with a lot more passion and spirit of conviction than most music today, it is also quite blessed in with a diverse vocabulary. for the most part, quite intelligent (there's also the ethereal, the dreamy, the hardcore, etc... aspects of metal that are quite important and will be the subject of a future blog). today's top-40 selection with phrases like "yo, bitches" and "do the hump", have lyrics that rarely break the glass ceiling of mono-syllabism while metal brings a feeling of relief. "yes, there are still intelligent people making intelligent music".
so it is here, where i decree that any bond i have, if i EVER had, with top-40 crap shall be torn asunder!

wonder

i wonder about a lot of things. my brain is usually questioning most anything that it comes in contact.
i wonder if my dogs think in barkinese? i wonder what the air smells like on the other side of the world? i wonder how many more sleeps until i will meet some wonderful friends across the ocean? i wonder how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck would chuck wood? i wonder if i'll ever be too old to be a child? i wonder why People(tm) de-evolve? i wonder what i did in a former life to be so fortunate to be born a canadian in this one -eh? i wonder how death metal dudes can growl their songs like that all the time? if the ocean gets tired? if polar bears ever get cold? how people live their lives not wondering? how long the longest groundhog tunnel is and if it makes a wrong turn @ albuquerque? if houseplants in my house commit suicide? i wonder why my dogs can chew a bone for hours and hours and not get tired of it? why frank zappa was so goRd damn funny? why religious people suck hardcore? why socks go missing in the laundry and why they never come back? what is the way to san jose? why i blog?

clarity

have you ever had one of those periods in your life when you are just uber sensitive to everything around you? your emotions have been beaten raw and raped so badly that you just can't function a day without crying? when it seems like your mind is clouded with phrases and words and thoughts that bite you to the core of your being and leave you a gaping mess of fleshy bits? where you've been ravaged by so much sorrow that the thought of another tear leaves you feeling nauseated and utterly exhausted?

the means do justify the end... the curse of emotional torture and pain is worth the clarity in the end...

i want

a life less ordinary; to live deliberately; to strive

to be adored; desired; devoured

an artist's hands; to create; to explore

an island; isolation

to be possessed by music; to listen; to hear; to understand

to hold love in my hands

a peace that surrounds me; a peace inside of me; a piece of peace

to be a child; to not have responsibility; to be carefree

an opportunity; to take it; to not have regrets

to be more sure; to be assured

to just be me and that be enough

leftovers

we were called to dinner
nothing of a fanfare or ceremony
it smelled of its usual goodness

there was nothing special
in taste
in colour
in aroma

silver clanked
glass clinked
teeth clunked

nothing to say this day was
or should have been
out of the ordinary

only when we were to clean up;
to clear the table
to clear the counters
a hush fell upon the duties

the empty bowls on the floor
now filling out stomaches

he wasn't there to eat
the leftovers

vera ©

canadian thanksgiving

my friends across the pond find it odd that we celebrate THANKSGIVING in canada. i guess it does seems a bit odd. for me, thanksgiving has always been my favourite holiday, even moreso than christmas. fall was my favourite season (aside: now its winter) and there's something to be said about long weekends in the fall. being with family. cousins visiting from afar. turkey roasting in the oven all day and the smell that makes your mouth water and lips smack. pumpkin pie. mashed potatos and gravy. stuffing and veggies. fresh dinner rolls. hockey season just starting. laughing and sharing. going around the table and saying what it is that you're thankful. this year i am thankful for many things, specifically...
my family
my friends
meeting new friends
getting patio & fence
being able to be there for old friends
family vacations
my doggies and kitty
love in all forms

part

part of me wishes i wouldn't be so responsible and would toss caution out the window and let it be damned into a million pieces. part of me wants to hang on to this stability i worked very hard to attain and maintain. part of me wishes i would have made so many different choices and part of me is so very happy with the choices i have made thus far. part of me wants to be that one that just doesn't care and part of me wishes i could care so much more. part of me sees a future full of so many adventures and part of me see a future limited and dull. part of me wants to run far far away and not be seen again by anyone and part of me wants to stay and fight the battle to the end. part of me sees myself as incredibly strong, stubborn and relentless and part of me sees myself as weak, spineless and cowardly. part of me sees in the mirror someone who is unattractive and ugly and part of me sees someone who is beautiful and unique. all are parts of me. i can either accept them for what they are when they are or try to be something completely different. today, i choose to be all of me.

run away! run away!

Imma run away. Far away. North. Imma build me a log cabin with my bare hands. Imma build it on the shores of a lake. Secluded. Only my dogs, cat and a few bears (and beers) to keep me company. I'll plant a garden. Eat the sap from trees. Hunt and fish. Imma make a boat too. I can chop wood. I can make a fire. I can shoot a gun. I can be bluddy Danielle Boone! Wouldn't that be so much fun? To just be you against nature. So much more interesting than you against the world. You against yourself. I could paint. I could draw. I could learn to play the guitar! Lead or bass? Hmmm, bass players are always so suave and cool. Note to self: buy solar panels.

who knew?

you know that feeling you get in your chest when something hurts? (no, im not talking about a heart attack, no need to call 911) but that... *pang*... i've been feeling that entirely too often lately. why is it? when did i become so uber sensitive? im a tough chick! wtf? when did i weaken so much? how come i find it so easy to cry? why can't you run out of tears? why do you cry from your eyebrows too? ive discovered you can smile and laugh when your heart is ripping into a million pieces; nothing can cure that which ails me; that "suck it up and deal" means "jack-fuck-all"; and that you can sob inside and not make a sound...

Random Thought #13

Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm.

The Lover Style Profile

Liberated Lover

77% partner focus, 61% aggressiveness, 90% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather pursue than be pursued and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Liberated Lover.

The Liberated Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and forms the kind of free-thinking, sexually-exciting, self-confident lover that society once condemned but that a liberal-mind cherishes and exults. The Liberated Lover is a treasure to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they are often already engaged in relationships or are in high-demand if "in the market."

In terms of physical love, the Liberated Lover is possibly the most thrilling and demanding of all, with the one potential drawback being that it is possible to feel 'overmatched' at times by their prowess and selfless giving. Given trust and understanding, and the right lover, the Liberated Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Exotic Lover (most of all) or the Carnal Lover, or the Suave Lover.

What style are you?