Friday, November 16, 2007


What is up with the whole bloodlust slash revenge of Jaws IV. The day a shark's baby's baby's baby follows me around the globe is the day I start on hardcore drugs. Mind, I just wanted him to bite granny's head off to get rid of her horrifying hairstyle.
The dude who went gathering leaves and other assorted foliage in the forest and decided "Hey, let's eat THIS one *insert arugula*..." What was he thinking? I mean, the stuff TASTES like a leaf... It ought to taste like bacon. Everything ought to taste like bacon.
I saw a dude dressed like Neo from "The Matrix" the other day as I was glacing outside the bus window. He had on the long black tailored coat, he had on thick-soled boots, his hair was slightly emo'licked and he was a bit pale. This wasn't unusal to me. What was unusual was out of thin air he managed to conjure a skateboard and then off he rolls or rode or whatever it is that skateboarders do. I've never seen a skateboarding-Neo.
I am convinced my stress-cow is plotting to have me killed.
Do you call it dinner or lunch? Do you call it supper or dinner?
I still have the tag on my mattress.
I'm divulging a secret: I love the show called "Project Runway". Watching the designers make garment from just an idea in their head is mind boggling to me. Creating something from nothing... Brilliance.
Some people want to swim with the dolphins. I'd like to swim with the polar bears. Of course they would have to be very friendly polar bears.
I found a list of things to-do that I made in 2003. Odd. It was pretty, though. I used metallic purple and silver pens. What ever happened to the gel-pen craze? I am entirely too obsessed with stationary. I have a large assortment of coloured pens at work and different shaped stickies and mutli-coloured paperclips. Office Depot you are my crack-row.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

the daily commute

a man sat next to me on the express coming home today. i could smell him while he was within 10 feet of my nostrils. it was horrible. drenched he was, in something that had to have been called: eau de 1970's.

as i sat in the corner of the bus my head began to pulse. the cilia in my nostrils disintegrated into ash and my eyes started to tear. through the saline, i began to hallucinate of giant, bobbing, permed-fuzzy hair and bright, unnatural-coloured leisure suits. the scent somehow made its way into my bloodstream and deep into the core of my medula oblongata where upon it hijacked my sense of reason and created disco balls out of thin air, flashing rainbow lights and a soundtrack that consisted of the jackson five meets jethro tull.

i've never done acid, but I can imagine this is what it must feel like...

the man exited the express about 2/3 through my evening commute but his scent lingered. like a monstrous wafting cloud of toxic vapour... upon exiting at my own stop, i escaped the cleverly disguised gas chamber and inhaled deeply -*gassssssp* but to my displeasure i manage to catch a mouth full of carbon monoxide from a passing vehicle in dire need of a tune-up...

i feel like i've ingested a vat of embalming fluid... well, at least when i die i know that it will be either very cheap to preserve me or i'll light up light up faster than a roman candle!

Monday, November 12, 2007

but it isn't my birthday....

this is my new telly...
bring on the popcorn, yo!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

...ohhhhkayyyy then....

halloween candy leftovers...

every year i take in a massive bag to work... i keep a few mini-chocolate bars for myself and take the rest in and put it in a giant bowl in the kitchen of my office.
its funny... i see NO ONE taking any back to their office to munch on during the day but by noon there is at least 3/4 of the pile... GONE!!
i work in an office of candy trolls!!
invisible ones at that.