Friday, March 31, 2006

superglue and superheros

*slides open the curtains slowly*
*taps on mic* testing...
welcome to the 153rd edition of "what's in vera's brain"...

there are no *real* superheros in the world, just superglue.
no one has SEEN a superhero in action, but everyone in the known world has seen superglue in action.
maybe superheros ARE superheros b/c of the dependence on superglue?
or maybe superglue is made from ground up superheros? kinda like the soylent green of adhesives.
or maybe, just maybe, there are just heros and just glue and no super things at all.
maybe everything is super but there are no heros and no glue.
maybe i just huffed some super powerful glue and think that *i* am a superhero.

sometimes the things that are inside my head should best be left inside my head.

(just another peek into my stream of consciousness)

sometimes i get addicted to silly quizzes *cough/blush*

You Belong in Amsterdam

A little old fashioned, a little modern - you're the best of both worlds. And so is Amsterdam.
Whether you want to be a squatter graffiti artist or a great novelist, Amsterdam has all that you want in Europe (in one small city).

Who Were You In A Past Life?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Charming Warrior.

Where You Lived: New Zealand.

How You Died: Buried alive.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

why do they call it a crush? because it hurts so damn much...

hi name was J.J. he was two years older than i and in a few days his family would be moving away and i would never see him again. he was charming and nice and had manners and all the "good things" you're NOT supposed to have as a teenager. helen of troy had NOTHING on his smile. he had confidence without arrogance. and he made my 12 year old vat of hormones stir to life whenever i saw him. junior high school would have to start without the hopes of seeing him in the hallway and life would *never* be the same. i had to tell him. i had to tell the only man in the world that i would ever love how i felt about him.
quick! he was getting away! running across the the front lawn of the church, in my sunday best, i knew exactly what i was going to say and i knew exactly how he was going to react! he would sweep me off my chubby little feet and swing me around, plant a romantic kiss on my bonne belle'd strawberry lip-smackered lips and we would live happily every after. "no, mum!" he would say quite firmly, "i am not moving with you, i am staying here with my one true love! yes, i know we are only 12 and 14 years old, but i love her. i have always loved her!" and we would pedal off into the sunset. oh, this was going to work. i know it would.

me: "hi jj..." -inner dialogue- *MIND GONE BLANK*
him: "hey."
him: "yah?"
me: "so... did you know you look like simon le bon?" -inner dialogue- *YOU are SUCH a MORON!!!*
him: "no, but thanks."

and then... he vanished.
so NOT The Plan(tm)!!!

(and yes, he DID look like simon le bon!! rawwwrrr!!)

Sunday, March 26, 2006

have you ever...

had one of those dreams where something happens in your dream that is supposed to happen in real life and you wake up and go "OH FUCK!" b/c in your dream you cleaned the entire bluddy house and everything was sparkly clean and you wake up thinking you wake up to a clean house but you're waking up to a dirty house that you already cleaned in your dream and now you have to clean it all over again and realize that its like you did it twice in one weekend????
*takes a breath*
yah, me neither...

Saturday, March 25, 2006

a recommendation...

if you have never listened to the song "Echoes" by Pink Floyd, i highly recommend it...

now i am not saying this b/c the new david gilmour album has come out, actually, im not a big fan of either gilmour's or waters' solo work... so yah, Take that! (tm)

i'm recommending it b/c currently what has randomly popped up on my mp3 player is this bluddy brilliant song. i get lost in everything about it... it takes me to that place inside myself where there only exists me and music and its truly magickal...

Overhead the albatross hangs motionless upon the air
And deep beneath the rolling waves
In labyrinths of coral caves
The echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand
And everything is green and submarine

And no one showed us to the land
And no one knows the wheres or whys
But something stirs and something tries
And starts to climb toward the light

Strangers passing in the street
By chance two separate glances meet
And I am you and what I see is me
And do I take you by the hand
And lead you through the land
And help me understand the best I can

And no one calls us to move on
And no one forces down our eyes
And no one speaks and no one tries
And no one flies around the sun

Cloudless everyday you fall upon my waking eyes
Inviting and inciting me to rise
And through the window in the wall
Comes streaming in on sunlight wings
A million bright ambassadors of morning

And no one sings me lullabies
And no one makes me close my eyes
And so I throw the windows wide
And call to you across the sky

Thursday, March 23, 2006


LOL! Check out this link!

Zombie Braaaaaiins

Vegetarian zombies... Grrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaainnnssss!

Incoherent Thoughts of a Would-Be Nihilist...

I was not put on this earth to make it a better place.

Although I question the purpose for why I have come to be, I accept the fact that I just simply… am. I am prepared to take on the responsibility that I have to my fellow man/woman that I have certain societal obligations to consider. Politeness. Civility. Grace. Respect. But how far do we need to extend our politeness, civility, grace and respect. At times, more often than I'd like to actually admit, I am faced with the conclusion that these obligations are mere illusions. That the base of man, at the core of his being, there is but a beast. Civility is a mask. Politeness is a chore. I draw this conclusion from the evidence that I am presented; from the actions I see in others, and how my reaction has become cold, hardened and cynical. Believe me when I say, I am a realist. But there is something that lives inside of me that might harbour a small vessel of hope that man is not merely the monster we have supressed through the advances we have made as a civilized society. Ironically, the conclusion that I draw from all of this is that the more advanced we become the more we slide ourselves into entropy and therefore more beast-like we become. Grace is tossed out the window as we claw our way through life. Respect has become a "two-way street".

The golden rule has change: Do unto others before they do unto you.

Is this the mark of a great civilization? We've managed to link all four corners of the world, yet we have managed to disconnect ourselves from the principles we've established so falsely. This facade we live, this bubble in which all decency is supposed to exist has started to shrink. As we unravel the mysteries of Life, The Universe, Everything are we also unraveling our societal obligations? Why is it that "common decency" is not so common anymore? Laziness? Expectation? The value of a dollar is the exact cost of your civility? Are you scared someone will get *there* first -wherever *there* is? Competition for resources? Over-population? The sum of all fears?

I have no answers. I offer no solutions. I am part of the problem. I am part of the solution. But I watch. This is the time where the slippery slope of The Golden Age has a miraculous view of The Depths of Disharmony. And there is no stopping it. So I hear the advice of the hopeful: "Do good". "Do something great in this world." "Believe". I am immobilized by my own cyncism. Do I care enough to want to make a difference? Probably not? And why? Am I *that* much of an existentialist? Have I become a nihilist? I refer you to the sub-title to this blog entry...

Meh. I think I just drank too much coffee today.

To be continued... Maybe...

time to make the doughnuts...

You Are a Boston Creme Donut

You have a tough exterior. No one wants to mess with you.
But on the inside, you're a total pushover and completely soft.
You're a traditionalist, and you don't change easily.
You're likely to eat the same doughnut every morning, and pout if it's sold out.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006


my headspace hasn't been one for blogging lately... my brain is blogged with work crap and seriously NO ONE wants to know the "Underground Horror Stories of Accountants"...
BUT (and zis iz a big butt)... then i thought**... why not blog about work... so here are just three of several misconceptions People(tm) have about accountants...

misconception number one: accountants are boring
accountants aren't so much boring as they are anal. and who said anal was boring. *ba dum bum* [wow, you got a 2 for 1 deal!]

misconception number two: accountants are boring
accountants are not known for their keen wit or raging sense of humour. however, get enough of them into a room and they'll be laughing about n00bs mixing up debits and credits and how is it even possible for someone to mishandle capital expenses!! HAHAHA!! hilariously FUNNY!!!!!!!! *listens to the crickets ... err... cricketing* seriously, mix in some beer and voila(!!!) you have yourself a scenario of "Accountants Gone Wild"!!

misconception number three: accountans are boring
accounting isn't exactly the most thrilling job in the world, admittedly there are a lot of procedural tasks that accountants have to do before and after we've been playing/fudging/accounting/fiddling with the numbers. however, even in the most menial tasks of the day accountants can have fun! imagine the look on the document scanner's face when he/she finds a staple arbitrarily found in the stack of 30 pages??? now *that* is hilarious business. OR imagine running to get a faxed document. who DOES that?? funny accountants, that's who!

so there you have it...
now im off to find my sanity...
**actually, it was ANN that suggested i blog about work... i just took it to that *weird* place again...

Friday, March 17, 2006

pet peeves

"i don't have pet peeves, i have kennels of annoyance"
--i don't know who said that, but its a quote from somewhere... i suppose i could google it--

  • people that shuffle their feet when they walk [how difficult is it to pick them up and walk properly, perhaps i should chop them off for you and see if you can shuffle your bluddy stumps?]
  • people that stop in the middle of a busy hall to "take a look around" [shoulder-check and then merge safely to the left or preferably the right, tyvm!]
  • people that light cigarettes just before they leave the non-smoking building... say right behind the glass door... [how rude!]
  • people that do not hold open doors for others behind them. shoulder-check and look. its not that difficult to be polite... [ok for some people it just *might* be]
  • sales associates that ask *as soon as you walk in the door* "May I help you?" [yes, can you please find me a STFU?!]
  • telemarketers [let me call you back during YOUR dinner!]
  • WORSE EVER... automated telemarketers [and the person that created the "spam-dialer". hello ass, meet my foot!]
  • solicitors that just don't "get it" when my dogs are rattling the door and barking their arses off, they still stand there (looking terrified i might add)... [get off my front step, i am NOT interested]
  • flyers [how many times do i have to tell you to stop delivering to my house??]
  • in addition, flyers handed out on the street, promos, coupons, whatever [if it is important enough, i'll read about it on the internet some day]
  • religious sales-people [do you think i have *not* heard of your religion? oh, i have. come in, let me tell you about mine. lucifer might decide to join us]
  • ditch drivers... the people that pull into the median to get around vehicles waiting in line for the light to turn [consider yourself lucky i don't drive a tank!!]
  • unwrapped straws @ fast-food places [as much as i am for save-the-environment, i am also very much for keeping-the-straws-a-bit-more-hygienic]
  • country music [need not qualify this]
there are several more... i just got peeved listing stuff...

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

call me fat

i dont care... i know that i am...
i am well aware of the fact that i am a Fat Girl (tm).
i am not this way from an uncontrollable urge to raid the pantry until all stock is gone and there's nothing left but empty boxes and a can of yellow beans. i am not this way b/c i lack the physical prowess to excercise or move around. i am not this way b/c i don't take care of myself or don't care what i look like. i am this way. i have been this way my entire life. when i was three years old i was the same size as my sister who is two years older than i am. by the time i was in the first grade i was larger than she was and have been ever since.
i was teased and tormented all throughout school. my tormentors were always ones that managed to overstate the obvious. like "hey, you're fat". wow. blisteringly intelligent, isn't it? seriously, did you really think that i didn't know? i already knew. i had a mirror. i could see for myself. the response to this was usually followed by a "yes, i am".
even as a very insecure teenager, who thought she was ugly and *KNEW* she was fat, i usually managed to keep the composure and cool that i lacked in elementary school. you see, elementary school was more the Hulk version of me. "hey, you're fat" was met by HULK SMASH. i fought my way though grades 1-6. mostly against, we were to discover later, the althletic, jocular, a-crowd people. i grew up like 'a boy name sue' (thank you Johnny Cash).
now, in light of the cruelty that is the elementary school playground, where kids learn who's tough, who's weak, who's geeky, who's freaky, i found myself sometimes torn. i was a tough chick, even from the time i was in first grade. [c'mon, i had a sister that hated me and attempted to kill me at every opportunity, i had to learn how to fight.] but i found myself, with this great toughness either a bully myself or a defender of the underdog. it was a chameleon's role for me. i didn't know sometimes whether i was a good guy or a bad guy. my defense almost was bully-ish. but it taught me one thing. to always and forever stand up for myself.
i was a reader too. ok, not exactly a stellar combination when dealing with elementary school kids, but it proved to be my benefit in years to come. i read like someone possessed. ok, @ age 8 im not talking about Thoreau or Shakespeare or Kafka... but i tore through the library reading anything i could and in doing so had a lot of early lessons on the social conscience of the average 5th grader. i never fit into the athletic world although i was a great athlete in baseball, figure skating, hockey, i bmx'd with the kids on my block, swam all summer long (yes, i was still fat)... at any rate by the time i was in 4th grade i knew that if i wasn't going to be accepted or popular or athletic or whatever, i would have to be smart. which isnt' exactly a consolation prize, according to Judy Blume!
still fat and very smart.
then came... dun dun dunnnnn... The Teenage Years...
"hey fatty! why don't you lose some weight!"
"aren't you a clever person?"
"shut up fatty!"
"a genuine mark of intelligence. someone, inform nasa!"
"you're a geek and you're fat!"
"wow, you must suffer from a severe inferiority complex"
[scenes from an 8th grade english class]
ahhhh... my nemesis... a little red-haired wonder. possibly one of the least intelligent people i knew back in those days. AND, Freudianly why, i now have a weakness for red-heads. yes yes. i know. bed the one that caused you such torment and you win. (or at least their likeness) been there, done that. meh. so anway, back to the one-celled-wonder et al. his gang of lemmings would pursue any opportunity to mock whom they would consider less fortunate, subordinate, whathaveyou. im sure this was just as true in your school as it was in mine. countries, languages & cultures differ, but children do not. the root of all evil can be found in junior high schools across the world my blog readers. oh yes. i have seen satan and he looks hideous in gym shorts. i guess i never understood what is behind the idea of "mob mentality". i have been raised to be a free-thinker, to decide for myself if something that i am doing or witnessing is indeed right for me and from that assessment to make my own decision on my own actions. but these kids played "follow the leader" with such precision. tormenting, geeks, freaks, fatties, skinnies, poor, awkward. those they felt were the weakest in the herd. now, i don't want to get all John Hughes on you, but this never ends. this never tires. this never dies. there will always be the Duckies, the Amanda Joneses, the Blaines, the Samanthas, the Wattses, the Duncans... etc... they are now names that are spelled more cleverly and make it much more difficult to find those mini-personalized license plates.
ok, woe to us...
i have to, in hind sight (and proudly, ZERO therapy), thank these people for their unkind words. their teasing and tormenting to compensate for their own insecurities forced me to take a long hard look at the person i was.
fat; geek; smart; funny; witty; fearless; insecure; determined... etc
now -- how to come to accept these things as a whole. this takes, in my opinion, a huge amount of time. a huge amount of space. a huge amount of determination. the things that involve the mind, that, as far as i can see, are the easiest to deal with. some can almost be measured. but to accept the physical and make that "ok in the mind" is another thing. THIS takes years of self-discovery, constructions, destruction, reconstruction and finally... a hope...
i am fat. i don't mind that word. it is what i am. it is also a reclamation of that word for people who are also fat. to not be ashamed of what it is that they are and what they look like. beauty is in many forms.
but it hasn't been every day that i can say that. not every day have i felt that 'hey, its OK to be fat'. not just b/c i AM, but b/c i really believe it. it took many years to come to terms with who i was in this body. and damn it. im beautiful. you might not think so, he might not think so, she might not think so, and maybe some days i dont even think so, but its true. i am beautiful. and not just in being fat. bbw. big beautiful woman. curse words to the sad insecure souls, but powerful words to the women that embrace and embody the pride that is beyond convention and think progressively and positively about being larger, full-figured, plus-sized... FAT.
there are many women out there that lack the confidence to stand up for themselves, even as ADULTS, in a world that still mocks and depreciates the value of a human being based on their weight. to those women who hide in the shadows and whose spirit is broken. i will say that you are beautiful - whoever it is that you are. and if you cannot fight for yourself at this moment, i will fight for you until you can. we are not weak, we are not a burden, we are not ashamed to be ourselves. we are confident, sexy, smart, successful, empowered and proud.
we are Fat Girls(tm)! hear us roar!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Neat... I knicked this from Scott's blog...

You pick an artist, and answer the questions only using titles of their songs.

Name of band/artist: U2
Are you male or female? : The Sweetest Thing
Describe yourself: Lady With The Spinning Head; Wild Honey; Big Girls Are Best
How do you feel about yourself?: Even Better Than The Real Thing
Describe where you want to be: I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Describe how you live: Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me.
Describe how you love: Dancing Barefoot; Last Night On Earth
What would you ask for if you had just one wish?: All I Want Is You
Share a few words of Wisdom: Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own
Now say goodbye: Walk On

To find out what I mean click here.

Sunday, March 12, 2006


A very Happy, Spanky & Beery Burfday to da Dootch!!

Friday, March 10, 2006

Patrick Bateman

I live in the American Gardens Building on W. 81st Street on the 11th floor. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I'll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Pheebs' Burfday!

Huppy Burfday Puppy!

Pheebs' 5th Burfday...
She's my gemmy girl.
So smart.
So protective.
Always so concerned.
I love how she's a mother-hen of her baby sister Zoe.
I love how my house feels so protected when she is on watch.
I love how she hates getting her picture taken and runs away when she hears the camera.
I love that she acts so tough, but I know she's a big ole sucky girlie.
I love you Pheebs...

Friday, March 03, 2006


**chosen from a random word generator i found online**

if any of you know me (it doesn't have to be "biblically") you might know that part of my sexual fun is derived from domination and submission. i *kinda* sit on the submission side of this very wide spectrum... although i enjoy the power that comes with domination i sense, for me anyway, the whole adventure is that there would be no domination without submission and therein lies the true power.

some people fall into these generalizations: if you are dominant/powerful in every day life chances are you are quite submissive in the bedroom; conversely being submissive/docile in every day life can put you in a very domineering position behind the closed door. i think this can be true but of course there are varying degrees.

for me, as i mentioned above, i lean towards the submission side, but have been known on too many occassions to actually flip my role during the intimacy and take total control. i know what i like and how i like it and when i like. but i'd say on a percentage scale im 65% sub and 35% domme... i've always been attracted to powerful things: people in positions of power; firm, stern, strong and powerful men/women; and anyone that could deliver a lovely stinging spank! rawwrr! haha!

now this isn't to say that there always has to be a top and a bottom!! i mean, this is completely for shits and giggles!! i dont define my life by my sexual choices of the week... you'd run in fear if that were the case... ;)

mmmm... now im craving subway...