Wednesday, April 18, 2012

very much under construction...

where to even begin...

let's just say it's been a most interesting year filled with a few highs and many lows.

i'm just right about sick of death, to be perfectly honest. seriously, enough.

after 6 months sabbatical from work i return to the same cycle of bullshit but add another hurricane of vomit! hooray? by november i had about enough. physical manifestations of stress appeared and i needed to really sit and re-evaluate. i came back to work with a whole different perspective. my whole view had shifted. i came back thinking "this isn't going to get to me anymore!" "i got the this!"... and i did, but i found myself slipping back into my old routines and attitudes. november scared me. it made me see how easy it is to just allow all that stuff that doesn't really matter at work to just consume you. you'd think it would have been imbedded after i found out the company didn't fall apart while i was on my sabbatical. wasn't it i who was single-handedly holding the place together??? newp. heh. november scared me and it also made me realize that to keep my new-found perspective i had to really work at it! imagine that. so i did. by mid-december, when clarity hit, i started my own work to rule campaign. in @ 7 and left at 4. at lunch i do absolutely no work. i read and relax and sometimes even catnap. and it's a struggle. to not just work through lunch because things need to get done. but i'm doing it. so that makes me happy at least. through the shitstorm i have found some way to cope and handle it.

in the summer of last year a new house purchase sort of began out of a curiosity as well as a possible need. so february found me moved into a new house. much bigger :| and more expensive :| but i think it's a good investment. phase 1 of a new neighbourhood of similarily priced homes and in a smaller community. i love the new house. the kitchen is amazing. my bathtub in the ensuite is my haven. but moving is so much work. remind me to never do it again, mmmkay?

the summer also saw me and my niece take a trip out west to vancouver island. it was a place where her and her mum and i spent one easter vacation. i wanted to take some of syn out there to long beach... a place that whenever i think about it, i always think of her. k took her to a special spot near cathedral grove... it was actually a lovely pilgrimage. the time i spend with k is always special, but this year was different. we had a bit of a mission, but i think it also might have been the last time she spends a a couple weeks with me every summer. she's getting to be such a young adult... that makes me sad and yet i'm very proud of who she has become. go team syn!

oh, but i have registered for university!

i'm trying to remain on a good path with a positive outlook. it's difficult. admittedly so. but i don't think entirely impossible to strive for that. the old 80/20 rule might be closer to 60/40 right now... heh. i'm a work in progress.