Thursday, August 03, 2006


I'm feeling a bit of cabin fever as of late. I have been going out and doing stuff with friends and sort of keeping busy... not sitting at home and wasting away my life on the computer *cough* *nervous laugh* *cough*... I have gone to visit ma girl Cheryl in Toronto in May... unfortunately that visit was much much much too short. I went camping in June and toured around the mountains a bitsy. I am going to visit the girls in Edmonton mid-August... I haven't been bored, that's for sure!! So what is it???
I guess maybe it isn't cabin fever that I am experiencing. I think it's more along the lines of "Continent Fever". I think that am well-traveled in my own country. Although I have not been to the Maritimes, I know I will make it there eventually and I have not driven cross-country but I am confident that I will experience that one day too. I have been throughout the Pacific Northwestern USA and into Southern California as well (btw, drive the PCH!! - it's something that just must be done!). I've driven through Nevada and Idaho and Montana. I have no desire to visit the Mexican Riviera or any other part of touristy-Mexico for that matter, but I have dipped my toes across the border and had a bit of a visit there too.
It is with shame, I confess this to you all: I have never experienced a trip across the pond.
And believe me it isn't for lack of desire!! I want NOTHING MORE than to go to Europe! Here! Take my money! Don't ask me the reasons why I haven't gone yet. I really *DON'T*KNOW*. I research accommodations, flights, destinations... I plan dates and events... There is so much that I want to see and I guess my reasoning has been there is also so much that I need to do before I go see it. At least, that's my excuse. "Europe will always be there... this year the fence needs to be built!" or "Nah, the basement needs to be developed" UGH! I hate being a Responsible Adult(tm). Something always needs to be taken care of before I go out and have fun. And although I've rearranged my thinking so much over the last few years to finally accept that I'm in a GREAT place in my life and I have wonderful opportunities and the resources to take those opportunities, I have to admit, the worse part about it is the *actual* rewiring. We spend so much time fighting our inner desires for the sake of something else. When we're kids we just want to be away from wherever it is that we grew up. When we were students in university living off soda crackers and tuna fish (truth) we couldn't wait to be adults and have enough money to be able to pay our rent AND buy food that month. As young adults we couldn't wait until we were settled and established to start enjoying life. Now, when we begin enjoying life we can't help but feel that we should be bettering our situations or saving for retirement or something equally dull. I promised myself a few years ago that I would stop trying to think my way out of situations. That I would be more carefree with the things that I want and desire and follow through with them to see where they might lead me. For the most part, I do a pretty damn good job being who I am without a lot of restrictions. The other part is in fear of jeopardizing the stability that has afforded me to be a little more free-spirited and carefree. I guess it is the Catch 22 of actually being in the place that you've worked so hard to be.
Ok, so here's what I'm thinking. I have no more excuses. I have no reason not to go. And if I have not stepped off of this continent by this time next year (W.O.A. time, btw) then I will forfeit any right I ever had to be a human being.