when friendships end...
its kinda weird when you get that feeling... you sense something just isn't clicking at it hasn't been clicking for some time... what do you do?
well, i know what i do...
i start "operation phase-out". and it isn't even an intentional thing at first! i start minimizing communication. i start minimizing confidences. i start minimizing contact. now this makes me sound cold, callous and that maybe i dont value friendships. UNTRUE! i would just rather have quality over quantity. if two people realize there is nothing left to give in a friendship, there's no real point in continuing, just let it die and be thankful for the memories. then there comes the moment when i realize im doing it and so i have to do some thinking; a lot of it. friendships are VERY important to me, i am not willing to discard any friends for any reason other than the obvious... sometimes, things, life, stuff, shit just happens...
and this has only happened b/w a few friends and i over the course of my 33 years... today, was the first time there has ever been a verbal acknowledgment of "operation phase-out"... i can't say that i was surprised @ the openness of it all. we haven't talked in over 3 months and i have been having dreams about her lately. of course, i'll always care about her so i thought i'd drop her a quick email, not even sure i would get a reply. "hi, how are you? hope things are going well. get back to me if you can." and she did. i was a bit surprised she replied today. but it was nice. we updated each other on what's been going on in our lives lately and then, it was weird, i mentioned the awkwardness that was felt and that i was sure she felt it too and that things have been going in a good direction despite those feelings. she wrote back and agreed and we had a few more exchanges about how sometimes things like this just happen and then... **poof**... that was it.
interesting, indeed. i feel no sense of loss, as "operation phase-out" has been going on for the last two-years. actually, when it first started i talked to my cousin's wife [a mutual friend] about it, she understood my reasons and it could have just ended at that time, but there's something to be said about the natural order of things. and although it was a conscious decision made a while back, i wasn't willing to just dismiss the entire thing b/c i believe that things can change over time. the door, i have to say, is never closed to her, you never know where life might take you, but it kinda ended with a "see you around some time..." but i know it wouldn't ever be b/c either of us made an effort to do so and i feel ok with that...
well, i know what i do...
i start "operation phase-out". and it isn't even an intentional thing at first! i start minimizing communication. i start minimizing confidences. i start minimizing contact. now this makes me sound cold, callous and that maybe i dont value friendships. UNTRUE! i would just rather have quality over quantity. if two people realize there is nothing left to give in a friendship, there's no real point in continuing, just let it die and be thankful for the memories. then there comes the moment when i realize im doing it and so i have to do some thinking; a lot of it. friendships are VERY important to me, i am not willing to discard any friends for any reason other than the obvious... sometimes, things, life, stuff, shit just happens...
and this has only happened b/w a few friends and i over the course of my 33 years... today, was the first time there has ever been a verbal acknowledgment of "operation phase-out"... i can't say that i was surprised @ the openness of it all. we haven't talked in over 3 months and i have been having dreams about her lately. of course, i'll always care about her so i thought i'd drop her a quick email, not even sure i would get a reply. "hi, how are you? hope things are going well. get back to me if you can." and she did. i was a bit surprised she replied today. but it was nice. we updated each other on what's been going on in our lives lately and then, it was weird, i mentioned the awkwardness that was felt and that i was sure she felt it too and that things have been going in a good direction despite those feelings. she wrote back and agreed and we had a few more exchanges about how sometimes things like this just happen and then... **poof**... that was it.
interesting, indeed. i feel no sense of loss, as "operation phase-out" has been going on for the last two-years. actually, when it first started i talked to my cousin's wife [a mutual friend] about it, she understood my reasons and it could have just ended at that time, but there's something to be said about the natural order of things. and although it was a conscious decision made a while back, i wasn't willing to just dismiss the entire thing b/c i believe that things can change over time. the door, i have to say, is never closed to her, you never know where life might take you, but it kinda ended with a "see you around some time..." but i know it wouldn't ever be b/c either of us made an effort to do so and i feel ok with that...
posted by Vera at 5/01/2006 08:08:00 p.m.
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