cope

sometimes its just easier to blog about silly things than it is to blog about serious things. obviously that's the same with real life situations. if you know me or if you've read further into my blog you will know that my granddad died on december 30th. i've been trying to "cope". fuck i really hate that word. i mean, what the fuck does it mean, REALLY?

cope
to contend or strive, especially on even terms or with success
to contend with difficulties and act to overcome them

blergh.

you have to carry on, i know. you have to move forward, i know. but there is never enough time. never enough time to mourn and carry on and move forward and "cope". to contend or strive, especially on even terms or with success. i dont see anything even about it. but it is just not the way i *want* to see it. i want there to be time! i want there to be honour! i want there to be mourning! i want this to pass but i want it to be fucking recognized!!!! not just swept away in the hurried steps of every day life. its too short. everything is too short. i know there cant be the shutting down of clocks... time cant be stopped, but that does not mean that i dont want it to happen. maybe im just being dramatic but there's this fear in me that he will not be remembered and im so scared that im going to forget him...