Is Your Child A Goth? *laughing maniacally*
Is Your Child a Goth?
Presented by St. Mary's Church**
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.
-Frequently wears black clothing. [guilty]
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. [offensive shirts - guilty]
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish. [guilty]
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. [guilty]
-Shows an interest in peircings or tattoos. [guilty]
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) [guilty]
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. [guilty]
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. [guilty]
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. [guilty]
-Takes drugs. [only advil... the colours are bright enough]
-Drinks alcohol. [mmmmmmbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer]
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. [too unbored to be depressed]
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) [kinky-sex-scars count?]
-Complains of boredom. [see above comments to suicidal]
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. [guilty/guilty]
-Is excessively awake during the night. [bladder issues :P]
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. [define 'unusual']
-Spends large amounts of time alone. [and stay out!]
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) [wheeeee!! i am *not* alone... mwahahaha]
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. [wait, i *am* the adult]
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. [see PLIF RULES! posting... Question all authority! Why should I?]
-Misbehaves at school. [or @ work. guilty]
-Misbehaves at home. [guilty ;) and naughty]
-Eats excessively or too little [pml! hulloh! FAT GIRL! guilty]
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. [mmm... chocolately evulness!! WTF! now they're *really* going to be concerned about the contents of my freezer!]
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) [erm... heh *blush*]
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch) [does pr0n count?]
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. [long live TSR!]
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. [haha! so guilty]
-Makes satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. [what's metal w/o an evil headbang???]
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. [i just express an interest in installing a stripper pole in my bedroom. only a little guilty :P]
-Expresses an interest in sex. [GUILTY!!!]
-Masturbates. [SUPER GUILTY!!]
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. [haha! what do you think??]
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. [gotta cover all possible dieties.]
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "and Im a Goth". [just ones that say "run along and die now".]
-Claims to be a Goth. [not guilty, they're just silly online quizzes]
If five or more of these apply to your child please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
**Disclaimer: I'm dead positive the source of this document isn't directly from a Catholic School. However, in the event that it is... it's dead FUNNY!... I had to blog it b/c it was just too... INANE! *shakes head*
Presented by St. Mary's Church**
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or Goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.
-Frequently wears black clothing. [guilty]
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. [offensive shirts - guilty]
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish. [guilty]
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols. [guilty]
-Shows an interest in peircings or tattoos. [guilty]
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.) [guilty]
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically. [guilty]
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. [guilty]
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan. [guilty]
-Takes drugs. [only advil... the colours are bright enough]
-Drinks alcohol. [mmmmmmbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer]
-Is suicidal and/or depressed. [too unbored to be depressed]
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.) [kinky-sex-scars count?]
-Complains of boredom. [see above comments to suicidal]
-Sleeps too excessively or too little. [guilty/guilty]
-Is excessively awake during the night. [bladder issues :P]
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. [define 'unusual']
-Spends large amounts of time alone. [and stay out!]
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) [wheeeee!! i am *not* alone... mwahahaha]
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. [wait, i *am* the adult]
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. [see PLIF RULES! posting... Question all authority! Why should I?]
-Misbehaves at school. [or @ work. guilty]
-Misbehaves at home. [guilty ;) and naughty]
-Eats excessively or too little [pml! hulloh! FAT GIRL! guilty]
-Eats Goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. [mmm... chocolately evulness!! WTF! now they're *really* going to be concerned about the contents of my freezer!]
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) [erm... heh *blush*]
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch) [does pr0n count?]
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature. [long live TSR!]
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. [haha! so guilty]
-Makes satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music. [what's metal w/o an evil headbang???]
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. [i just express an interest in installing a stripper pole in my bedroom. only a little guilty :P]
-Expresses an interest in sex. [GUILTY!!!]
-Masturbates. [SUPER GUILTY!!]
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual. [haha! what do you think??]
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. [gotta cover all possible dieties.]
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "and Im a Goth". [just ones that say "run along and die now".]
-Claims to be a Goth. [not guilty, they're just silly online quizzes]
If five or more of these apply to your child please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
**Disclaimer: I'm dead positive the source of this document isn't directly from a Catholic School. However, in the event that it is... it's dead FUNNY!... I had to blog it b/c it was just too... INANE! *shakes head*
posted by Vera at 12/17/2005 10:55:00 p.m.
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